Cruel to be kind

11. května 2008 v 16:07 | Miril |  Moje Povietky
Jedna s mojích najlepších tvorieb "Cruel to be Kind".
Je to Fanfiction na SubaruxSeishiro a cigarety! Je sranda čo tieto veci robia s ludmi.
Musím upozorniť všetkých čitatelov že píšem len v angličite (prečo? lebo to tak znie lepšie xD)

Subaru stands on top of a random building, watching Tokyo's lights and, as usual, thinking about Seishirou. It's a pain that he's clung to for nearly a decade, and after so many years, though the sharp edges remain undulled, he has grown more skilled at holding it close in his heart. There are little things that help. Smoking, for example. He rarely drinks; his tolerance is low, and it's dangerous for him to be drunk, jolted out of sad complacency into anger and bitter tears. He's afraid of what he might do, and who he might turn to.
He reaches into his pocket for his cigarettes.
And finds nothing.
Funny. He doesn't remember finishing his last pack, and he usually has one spare, all too aware of the stress of withdrawal.
Oh, well. It's not as though he has anything better to do. He goes in search of a vending machine.
And finds nothing.
Every single cigarette vender in the area seems to have suddenly disappeared. He glares at a machine that dispenses snacks, and widens his search, trying the few shops that are open at this time of night. The sudden paucity of cigarette vending machines is widespread, it seems, and every shop he tries sports empty shelves behind counters.
Suspicion grows slowly in Subaru's mind, not because he's loath to blame Seishirou, but because the entire thing is so utterly ludicrous. His mouth twitches with contained humour, until he realises just how badly he wants a smoke, and he gives a frustrated whimper.
"Do you have a light?" drifts the Sakurazukamori's smooth voice from somewhere at his back, and he's almost expecting it. The man seems to be fond of approaching him from behind.
"You -" he begins, whirling round.
"Yes, it's me," concedes Seishirou. He's holding a cigarette. "Do you have a light, Subaru-kun?"
"Yes," spits Subaru, incapable of lying. "But not for you. What have you done with all of the cigarettes?" He's blushing at his own reactions, but the craving for nicotine is growing stronger by the second, and he's sure he hates Seishirou ten times more than he ever has before, because there's a cigarette right in front of his eyes, dancing enticingly in elegant hands, near and impossibly far.
"Oh, well," says Seishirou amiably, withdrawing a lighter from his pocket and sparking it into life. Subaru's eyes are glued to the older man, for once actually watching the slim white stick ignite, rather than the sly curve of his twin star's mouth.
"What have you done with them all?" he repeats with uncharacteristic viciousness. "Why do you always take everything away from me?"
"Really, Subaru-kun," Seishirou tuts. "How melodramatic." He exhales smoke in Subaru's direction, and the younger man breathes it in hungrily. Behind his sunglasses, Seishirou's good eye sparkles with amusement. "Smoking really is a very unhealthy habit."
Subaru snarls something incoherent, and stamps away. How is it that the man can get under his skin so easily? Well, Subaru isn't going to play this game. He wants a cigarette, and Seishirou isn't going to stop him.
* * *

Fuuma is out shopping when the Sumeragi storms up to him.
"Do you have any cigarettes?" the man demands, looking decidedly fraught as he runs his hands through his hair. Black strands are sticking out in all directions.
"No," says Fuuma, giving a curious look to the Seal. "Why are you asking me? You're lucky I'm shopping, or I'd have to try and kill you."
"I've tried everyone else!" Subaru wails. "None of them will help me!"
Fuuma hides a smile.
"It's a bad habit, Sumeragi-san."
"Shut up!" The Sumeragi's frazzled temper snaps, then he freezes and looks Fuuma up and down. "What are you doing in a supermarket, anyway?"
"Shopping," says Fuuma innocently. "I have a lot of people to feed."
Subaru feels the urge to run out of the supermarket waving his arms above his head.
"…I see…" he manages weakly, and trudges away instead, hands thrust into the pockets of his trenchcoat. He'd kill for a smoke right about now. In fact, he's seriously contemplating killing Seishirou for one.
"Why?" he asks an alleyway in despair. The alleyway doesn't respond, perhaps requiring some time to think it over. Instead, Seishirou appears in that incredibly irritating way of his, and wearing a satisfied smirk.
"You have to be cruel to be kind, Subaru-kun."
"I hate you," says Subaru bleakly. "You broke my heart and killed my sister, and now you've taken away my cigarettes. You're a monster."
"It's all for your own good," laughs Seishirou, and then he's gone again, in a twist of petals. Subaru vents a little of his rage and frustration by stamping on them until they're pulpy and brown, then goes and buys a packet of chewing gum.

* * *

The days pass in a terrible haze. Subaru wanders dazedly through his life, shirt buttoned up wrong and hair an increasingly complicated mess. He twitches at every sudden movement, and snaps at anyone that comes near him. He moves from gum to pocky, and spends hours in the presence of Yuzuriha as she tries to cheer him up.
"I'm sure you'll get through it, Subaru-san!" she chirps. He wants to kill her, but she's his only link to the distraction that pocky offers.
The worst thing isn't the craving for nicotine, though intellectually he knows he should have detoxed by now. It's not even the feel of a cigarette between his fingers, although he often finds himself absently raising nothing to his lips. It's the pain.
He didn't realise how much he relies on the damn things. He had no idea what a barrier they are between him and the agony he's shared his life with for years. Now, when he wakes up in the middle of the night after yet another nightmare or wet dream or both, he can't just have a smoke to calm his nerves. He has to sit in the centre of the bed, shaking, with the sheets wrapped around his shoulders. And instead of focusing on inhaling and exhaling, all he can do is replay everything in his mind. Soon he's living under the vague yet permanent conviction that there's always blood under his fingernails.
"Subaru?" asks Kamui softly, and Subaru ignores him. He can't seem to stop thinking anymore. He'd thought the pain hadn't blunted, but it had, and Seishirou's whetted those razor edges again.
How long has it been? Subaru has no idea. It feels like decades, but then again, the last nine years have been like a millennia, so it's probably his warped perceptions.
He can't take it anymore.
"Subaru-san -" Karen begins, but he's shoving past her and heading out the door.
"Man, Subaru-san needs some help," observes Sorata, scratching the back of his head.
"I quite agree," murmurs Arashi, and that's all. The Seals return to their previous activities, and though Kamui continually shoots worried glances at the door, they wait patiently.

* * *

Subaru looks up at the Tree, green eyes wild.
"I give up!" he declares. "What do you want, Seishirou-san? I'll do anything, but please God, just give me a cigarette!"
"I thought I made it clear that I don't appreciate melodrama," purrs Seishirou, emerging from shadows. "Goodness me, Subaru-kun, you don't look well."
"You - you - what do you want!" Subaru bursts. "Whatever it is, I don't care anymore. Do you want me to beg?"
Seishirou lights up a cigarette, and Subaru gives a small scream of frustration.
"What a low opinion you have of me," observes the Sakurazukamori silkily. "This is all in your best interests. Although I find it very intriguing that you survived Hokuto-chan's death, but I've managed to break you by taking away your cigarettes."
"It's not that," Subaru grates. "I just…"
"What?" Seishirou moves sinuously closer, and Subaru can catch the faintest scent of smoke. He gulps a breath.
"I can't stop feeling," he confesses, and the words seem to him like a tangled, incomprehensible mess. He doesn't expect Seishirou to understand. "I can't stand it, Seishirou-san, please make it stop, please, please, please…"
He realises that one of Seishirou's hands is gripping his chin, and doesn't resist as his head is tipped back until his eyes meet the unreadable discs of the Sakurazukamori's sunglasses.
"Silly Subaru-kun," sighs Seishirou, flicking his half-finished cigarette to the ground. "It's never going to stop."
Subaru bursts into tears. He clings to the front of Seishirou's suit jacket, wrenching his chin from the man's iron grip to bury his face in a warm collar. Seishirou doesn't seem surprised; but then again, he rarely is. He is the one who provides the surprises, and this time he does so by wrapping his arms around the Sumeragi and holding him close.
Subaru cries and cries, and it seems like forever before speech can force its way from his closed throat. When it does, he chokes out single words and sentence fragments about Hokuto-chan and nine years and loneliness and things that never end. Seishirou's collar is soon soaked.
Subaru slowly comes back to himself, and realises that Seishirou is working his fingers through the tangles in his dark hair, humming tunelessly. The sound vibrates soothingly, and Subaru gives one last choking sob before falling silent. Everything still hurts, as sharp and clear as of old; lethal flotsam no longer even partially hidden by smoke.
"Do you understand?" asks Seishirou softly. Subaru nods, face still pressed to the older man's neck. He feels oddly calm and clear.
"I want a cigarette."
"I suppose sometimes one also has to be kind to be cruel," Seishirou muses. He pulls a packet out of his pocket and offers it to Subaru. Subaru takes a cigarette with the calm reserved for a condemned man, and waits for Seishirou to light it.
It's definitely the best inhalation he's ever experienced, and the dry tears on his cheeks crack as he smiles. As per tradition, he digs his own lighter out of his pocket to light Seishirou's cigarette for him. Seishirou pushes his sunglasses further up his nose, and breathes out blue-grey smoke to mingle with Subaru's and crown the both of them.
"Do you know the best time to enjoy a cigarette, Subaru-kun?" he asks.
"Hm?" Subaru inhales once more, with a look of total bliss.
"Post-coital," says Seishirou, and laughs as the Sumeragi chokes
 

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1 Mira Hatake Mira Hatake | Web | 10. května 2009 v 17:31 | Reagovat

krásne :) našla som len pár úplne drobunkých chybyčiek
+ trosku zmensi písmo, lebo mne (mozno len mne ale mozno aj ostatným) sa to zle číta

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